15 posts tagged “lindt man”

I saw you at Nu-Vo with another woman.

LEARNING TO BREATHE | SWITCHFOOT

LookingForward

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JHENNY.LAQUIAN © 2008

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--

I got the Sunday night blues.

While most people are tucked in their beds, I and the rest of the gang headed off to Greenbelt-Makati.

I was out with my family (bro and his family) the whole afternoon, so obviously, nighttime was the best time to meet and catch up with my "second" family. A friend just arrived from a business trip in London, which is why there was a private party composed of fine dining in Oyster Boy, entertainment at Time Zone and caffeine boost over Gloria Jean's.

*But hold that thought for a second.*

Go back over Time Zone. More like Twilight, really.

My friend was to check his card balance when he chanced upon Lindt Man. He immediately went to where I was and shouted, "Jhen, xxx is here!"  I froze for a second, as I indeed saw him then quickly turned away**.

** That scene reminded me of college when I quickly turned away from a crush who was excited to formally meet me. That scene is where Twilight gets applicable. But unlike my not-so-long-ago college days, NOW is different.

I was getting away from a "what-if-and-whatnot".

I was getting away from the chance to raise the stakes.

My story is such a sob that I really don't know the exact words to describe it.

I'm emotionally confused.

Now zoom into the present: I'm trying to get over him. I was succeeding in doing so, but far from letting the truth sink in: I'VE FALLEN FLAT INLOVE. It was a truth I denied for so long. It was a truth I couldn't even admit to myself for months.

I tried to crush every piece of romantic bone left for him, but somehow, I just couldn't. Everytime I do so, a micropiece still manage to find its way to my heart. Something logic just couldn't control.

After seeing him at the arcade, the feelings that nearly subsided overpowered every logical sense that was left of me . I felt my heart pound twice as ever and the most stupid thing I did was to panic & run the opposite direction.

You see, he was yet again with another woman.

Not just another woman. But a woman with a kid and a nanny tagged along. As strongly assured to me by my friend, the woman seem to look like a friend and nothing more. I want to believe. And I think I do believe that certain notion.

It sucks how all the effort I exhausted... all the effort I did to get over him went futile at the instance that I saw him and his smile. I moved on with my life, made myself busy with a lot of things and act as if I don't care each time he drops a message or two on my phone. All of these for nothing.

Stupid girl. How could you let an emotion like this get the best of you?

FYI: We went to Time Zone - Glorietta, instead... all for obvious reasons of me not ready to face him.

--

I can't wait to get away from Manila.

Affirmation-part deux

I know I'll get by.

AFFIRMATION PART UNE

God must be reading my blog, f'realz.

3 days ago, I posted an entry about Lindt Man.

I can now conclude that it probably isn't meant to be.

--

Last night, I met up with my friends for a Friday night movie/ dinner. We just finished watching a Filipino movie animation (Urduja) and decided to grab a bite over Masas - Greenbelt 2. We were walking to the said bistro when what-looks-like-a-lovey-dovey-couple caught my eye: the familiarity of the face, overall get-up and distinct "Lindt" man aura got my attention despite the fact that they were situated at the farthest corner of Nu-vo restaurant.

I quickly told my friends about it, but like any other friends, they told me to shrug it off. Such a reasonable advice considering that we aren't a couple, there's no commitment whatsoever and yes, we're just "dating". So I tried and acted cool about it. But pretention kills me: the whole time I was dining with them at Masas, all I think of was him and how he brewed lies on how "busy" he is with three events for a non-profit organization.

I was aggravated alright;  I just didn't act on it.

I won't pretend (anymore) that I wasn't hurt with what I saw. Seeing him happily canoodling another woman is such a sight for the greenery. Visual images of punching him in the nose and throwing the girl in a large pile of dump played in my head --- that and more of which I'd rather not divulge in my journal.

But that's just me. I release seconds of momentary anger & turn it into something funny until I reach vengeful (visual) satisfaction. Getting pass my mental therapy, I'm left with a lesser form of anger: irritation & dismay ... which all the more is fine by me.Because at the end of the day, it's only me feeling this way.

Whichever angle you look, I have no right to feel this way.

I have no right to feel jealous.

I have no right to feel betrayed.

I SIMPLY HAVE NO RIGHT AT ALL.

And that's what exactly bums me out. We aren't official. We are in no way close to being lovers. We just had a couple of dates. 

Let me put it this way: I am his option. He is my option.

--

I got online soon as I arrived at my place. I saw my friend on YM. I told him what occured couple hours ago. And like what my other friends said: You aren't a couple. You have no right to be jealous.

But unlike the witnesses of my misery, he added something that went straight to the heart of the issue:

...that maybe i'm sugarcoating my "bruised" ego with jealousy

... that I got hurt because I caught him first  dating somebody else.

The underlying fact is that we aren't exclusive.

I also date other men, to be fair. Obviously, he has all the right to date other women. Sad to admit, but It's the whole idea of getting him caught that bums me hard core.

I can say a whole lot over our situation. I can go on for hours writing and figuring where things went wrong... Or probably, where things went just the way they're suppose to be.

The heart of the matter is...

 I am falling for him.

Love is such a sneaky thing, that most of the time, you are caught unprepared.

It's how you handle the situation that gets you by.

Sink or swim.

My persona simply doesn't sink easily.

Despite it all, I still believe in love.

 But in situations like this, wherein there's a possibility that I could drown with such overwhelming emotions --- I'd rather "swim" and move on.

Not because I'm afraid...

... but because I feel that, in the end, the stakes aren't worth it.

--

I'm done playing this game. At least with him.

I'm done playing this game. At least for now.

 I can give a thousand reasons for my staggering enthusiasm for the world.

Or.....

I can just share a piece of me to it:

Solace

VS

Solace-02

Care to share your thoughts?

"SOLACE" in two versions || JHENNY LAQUIAN© 2008.

---

Early night mobile conversation:

HIM: Do I still need to say sorry for the late reply** :-)? You guessed well I am dead busy organizing three events with the top politicians of your country... hope you are doing fine :-)

ME: Yeah, apology's always a good way to relieve doubts. I hope you're not killing yourself with work. :-) I'm fine. How's all the planning going?

HIM: Really crazy. Finished the second day and the worst is coming. Fed up of work, need to hit the beach...

ME:You should've sent me the message at an earlier time. I do good massage. :-) Anyway, I'm sure it'll be okay. You're a part of an organization that helps people. Smile.

HIM: I did not know you do good massage. :-)

ME: You didn't ask... Nor have the time time to ask. :-P

** Lindt Man hasn't been replying for days that last night, I got sick of all the waiting & decided to permanently bid adieu.

SOMEBODY TELL ME this whole thing simply won't work.

Time is our common nemesis.

Or probably should give in to the fact that it's the both of us.

ColdNight

i. Earlier this afternoon, I had a date. You heard me right, a "date". No, I wasn't perky but somehow, I managed to get by.

"Date guy" is a Filipino-Chinese, stands about 5'6", dresses up nice and sans the retainers on his teeth, has the most pleasant smile. All that and the fact that he doesn't look like he's 30.

We grabbed a bite over Robinson's Piadina, talked and laughed. Then suddenly, I thought to myself: I actually, really, FINALLY am moving on!

Naturally, dating other men would be the next step for me to take: I need to move on.

Baby steps, like dating, oftentimes are the hardest, most unfamiliar ground. No matter how many times you've passed the stage, stood up and whaddyaknow?! had a relapse... people (us) in general finds it difficult to get by.

... Until reality finds it way to step back in, poke us in the head and say: there's life after (Insert Name Here).

In my case, the Lindt Man.

Back onto the date...

ii. ...truth be told, I didn't expect much from it. The date was unplanned. I decided to SMS date guy after working out at the gym* and luckily, he was free that afternoon. Therefore, the meeting disguised as a "date". Surprisingly also, as I was on my way out from the fitness center, I saw a friend-slash-gym-partner. Finished with our workout session, we decided to grab Japanese while waiting for my date to arrive.

*Inside Robinson's Mall

As date guy arrived at the mall, I asked my friend an unxpected question of "Do I look pretty?" paused, then added, "Bah, never mind. Let's just get through with this. And by that, I'm talking to myself."

(Baby steps, what can I say?!)

For a second there, I got nervous. Good thing it lasted for less than a second, and I soon recovered from the school-girl-butterflies.

iii. My friend left me after I saw date guy. Clearly, he needs to move out of the picture knowing date guy needs to step in. Date guy was right on time, we walked around for a bit and looked for a place to eat.

An afternoon snack with date guy was like some of my previous ones: nice but not oomph: he likes basketball, I like basketball --- but not much. He helps run a family business which he lacks interest thereof, I work for a company that helps me further my interest in graphic designing. Sure he has a distinct sense of humor, but not enough to keep me interested. He talks, but... his kind of talk isn't the kind I would go for.

Thus the term "nice".

iv. We didn't go anywhere else after grabbing a bite. It was nearly 7pm when I told him I should be heading home (read between the lines: this couldn't go beyond the pizza, trust me). Date guy, on the other hand, has another engagement to cater to, so he decided to accompany me to the Taxi stand. We queued for one and shortly after, I got in the cab. 

I thanked him again (since he offered to pay for our meal), waved our goodbyes & agreed with our smiles that that probably was the first and last of our dating series.

What else is there to say? The date was short-lived. No party needs to be blamed. It's not him nor me; we just don't click. There's no spark or tingles whatsoever. That being said, I bet he'll agree.

But wait!

THERE'S MORE!!!

v. While on my way home, I saw the NEW moon radiantly shining... full blown. As the cab was crossing the bridge, I felt like I could almost touch it. Almost. Then my "first" date with Lindt Man struck me.

FIRST. Wow. I recalled how the first meeting went well. It was an appetizer to the dates that followed. It had me reminiscent and ironically, desperately wanting for the feeling to go away.

For someone who has left me with sweet-bitter memories, reliving the past certainly isn't the best idea nor the ideal road to travel.

Sigh.

Why does this distinct "pang" of longingness resurface?

--

Eskobar's** Cold Night sums up my emotional ride. Emo as it is, this is a reminder of a "life-and-what's-left-of-it" after him:

Just like the sun glows and burns,
Someone can give you life but then they turn
But that’s no reason to, go blind forever

Real life is not for those who hide
Although the trail of love is a very bumpy ride
But that’s no reason to, go deaf forever

**Coincidence or tragedy? Eskobar is a SWEDISH band. Lindt Man is Swedish Swiss. Entirely different, I just realized. Either way, Switzerland and Sweden are European countries. So believe me when I say: What EXACTLY are the odds?

My week? In randomness and more or less, one sentence?

Had the usual Monday meeting with the team. A new Account Executive supervisor found his way to draw my attention (note: guy's HOT).

SKB

Downloaded Scala & Kolacny Brothers album, a British choir who beautifully sings modern songs and then some. YM-ed a friend who wants a banner for his blog site... that of which I have to create yet (ho-hum...). Bought a green shirt from American boulevard: wicked ART design, which I'll post SOON. Also bought a JAPANJAPANJAPANJAPAN-in four lines black shirt from the same store, but on a different day (pop art but nonetheless cute!)

Betrayed my loyalty to RCBC Starbucks to buy a 40% brewed coffee over Gloria Jeans'. Talked to a team member who was embarrassed with one gesture I did, reconciled and apologized. Found a new love for music in Eskobar, especially with their songs, "Someone New" and "Cold Night".

Ally McBeal: The Complete Season One [Region 2 Import -Non USA Format]

Ally McBeal-ing myself for a week now, since I bought the first FIVE seasons of the show. Fishisms! suddenly sparked a new hope for using not-so-ordinary words, along with some weirdness.

(I will not be disparaged! - John Cage, Ally McBeal)

Treat my colleagues from both shift after the promotion announcement. Turned down three potential dates yesterday because I was groggy and lack the spirit to be... perky.

Lindt Man left off a YM message to say how-are-you-doing-blah-blah. I managed to reply, "OK.. blah-blah-blah". I miss him crazy but so far, I can manage.

In relevance to "treating" and all, I also took out my family for an afternoon lunch. Then went to Makati to accompany my brother for some computer gadget shopping.

That sums it all. Pretty much.